Does it matter?
by JadeDragon220
Summary: Warning: Contains spoilers for the season finale of Young Justice. Red Arrow is depressed and attempts to drown his problems in alcohol. One-Shot.


_My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together." - Bishop Desmond Tutu_

Am I real?

The question had been repeating itself in Red Arrow's head until it had become almost like his own personal mantra. No one was able to answer it for him, and thinking about it only confused him and made his headaches worse.

He thought he knew who he was, he was wrong. He thought he would never have to doubt the contents of his own mind, but he was. Almost everything he thought he knew was a lie. Oliver had tried to help in his own special way, by cooking up a big pot of chili and offering Red his old room in the Queen manor.

Red Arrow had thanked Ollie and forced his lips up into a smile, but he turned him down. He had taken Roy's name, his life, his _face_. He couldn't stay there, in Roy's home, and not feel like some kind of intruder. In Red's eyes, he was no better than a theif. And if the worst was to be believed and Roy really was dead...that made him a murderer as well.

Eventually, the pain had become so intense that it had become almost unbearable. So he decided to take a page from Ollie's book and head up to his old High School buddy's house where he knew he'd be supplied with a ton of beer and a warm bed to sleep it off in. Red knew that he was only eighteen, and that if Ollie found out he'd be furious, but he couldn't make himself care. He just wanted the hurt to go away. After all, chronologically Red Arrow was only about three years old and yet he was allowed a driver's license. For clones, he decided, age limits don't matter.

Still, he wasn't about to tell Oliver where he was going or what he was planning to do.

Red's friend had been surprised to see him, but he had happily opened the door for him. When Red asked for a drink, he'd been shocked. Yes, Red Arrow was a rebel and enjoyed questioning authority but he never went so far as to actually break the law. Although, the boy wasn't so shocked that he hadn't pulled out a six pack and plopped one into Red's willing hand.

So there he was. Badass, underage Red Arrow drinking with his irresponsible, barely legal friend. Ollie and Dinah had always told him that his first drink was going to suck, and he was happy to say that they were dead wrong. It was different, yes, but not bad different. A part of Red wondered why he hadn't thought of this sooner.

"So Roy..." His friend, sitting beside him on the couch chugging his beer like a champ began.

Red stiffened, but said nothing. He detested being called Roy now, almost as much as when people called him a sidekick or Speedy. He used to think it was because he deserved respect and everyone should recognize and honor his new status. Now he knew that it was just his programming kicking in, forcing him to turn his back on everything he cared about to fulfill his mission.

It really sucks to have to doubt your own thoughts.

"Is everything okay...with Oliver?" He asked.

Red Arrow chuckled bitterly, reaching for another beer. Of course he'd think that. He knew all about the scraps Red and Ollie had gotten into the past, so naturally he'd assume that Red was merely trying to drink away harsh words that might have been exchanged between the two archers. He couldn't know that the turmoil going on inside the archer was caused by something much bigger than a stupid little fight with his adoptive father.

"Yeah..." He took a long swing from his can.

"We're fine. I mean...Ollie's always a pain, but we're not arguing or anything if that's what your asking."

Red could tell that the other young man beside him didn't believe him, but he didn't care. Let him think what he wants to think. It's not like the guy would ever believe the truth anyway, even if he did tell. He could just imagine _that_ conversation: _Hey, buddy, guess what? I'm the hero known as Red Arrow who is really just a clone of the real Roy Harper created three years ago in a secret genetics lab in DC! Isn't that cool? _

Poor kid would call the whacky shack on him before he could say '_stop.'_

Roy had started on his third beer without realizing it. Or was it his fourth...? It was getting hard to remember. There was an annoying little voice in the back of his head that kept saying that this was a bad idea and Ollie was going to be pissed when he found out.

He told it to shut the hell up.

Red could feel the alcohol starting to take effect. He truly was pathetic, turning to beer to try and kill the pain. It was just like running away. Maybe that's all he's good at: running. He ran from the League when he thought they were being unfair. He ran from Vandal Savage instead of even _attempting_ to help the other heroes, and now here he was. Running away from his own emotions.

He was nothing but a coward.

The world had slowed down around him, like he was swimming in molasses. His thoughts, however, continued to run rampant. Here he was, feeling sorry for himself, when he had caused others just as much pain as he was experiencing now. Maybe this was some kind of punishment for being such a prick to people who hadn't done a thing wrong.

Artemis. God, he'd caused her so many problems. He had tried to turn her own team against her, just so that no one would suspect him. It really wasn't her fault she had to keep secrets from her friends. She couldn't help being born into a demented family. Plus, she was only a fucking fifteen year old _girl_! What's next? Beating up children and stealing candy from babies? What a big man he was. How dare he wallow in self-pity? Wally was wrong, Red Arrow is the selfish and insecure one here...not Artemis.

Superboy. Conner was a clone, so of course that made him a suspect. Kind of ironic how Red had accused him of the mole because of that, and yet he was a clone himself. So Batman was sort of right, there _was_ a person on the team who had been cloned specifically to be the mole. It just wasn't Conner. Hell, Bats even got the part where he didn't know he was the mole right. Maybe the Dark Knight was getting phychic.

Miss Martian. Megan was just trying to hide herself because she was afraid that people would be scared of her. There's nothing wrong about that, in fact its kind of sad. Red Arrow should've pitied her, not objectified her. He thrust the poor girl into the spotlight: the absolute _last_ place she needed, and _wanted_, to be.

Green Arrow. Ollie...He was his father, the only one that Red Arrow actually _knew_ outside of his implanted memories. Oliver had trained him, raised him, treated him like he was his own flesh and blood. And he repaid him by making him look like a fool in front of his friends and storming out of the Hall. He'd betrayed him, the man that never stopped loving him no matter how many times he pushed him away. Red Arrow remembered every second of his betrayal, no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't get the image of his hand reaching out and planting the Starrotech on Ollie's neck.

But Red Arrow had found that the more beer he poured down his throat the easier it was the forget about it, to forget about _everything_. He finished his can, threw it, and shoved away the empty beer cans that had accumulated on his lap. He could hear his friend babbling nonsense from his position on the ground, drunk out of his mind.

Red Arrow reached for another beer. He had it in his hands when the world suddenly faded to black and his head smacked against the arm of the couch. Instantly, he was thrown into a deep, drunken sleep.

The mighty Red Arrow has finally fallen from grace. And when he fell, he fell hard.

* * *

"Roy Harper, what the _hell_ do you think you're doing?"

Red Arrow's eyes fluttered open, finding themselves looking into the blazing azure gaze of a very irate Oliver Queen. He winced, partly because from being called Roy and partly because Oliver was _very_ loud and Red's head hurt _very_ much.

Red Arrow pulled himself into a sitting position, glancing over at Dinah who was busy reading the riot act to his nauseous-looking friend. He frowned, how did Ollie and Dinah know where he was? It's not like he told anyone what he was doing...

Ollie must be getting psychic, because he leaned over and plucked a bat-shaped tracer off of Red's sneaker. Frowning, the blonde archer held it up for Red Arrow to see. He narrowed his eyes at the small device, remembering the brief encounter he'd had with Robin shortly before he came here. That little ninja was _so_ going to get it.

"Robin did a quick search on your friend there and told me what he thought you were going to do.."

Oliver's eyes hardened. "I thought he was just begin paranoid, but when I woke up this morning and no one had heard from you...well, I decided to check the tracer again. I hoped I was wrong and you were just hanging out with your friend."

"What, don't trust me?" Red Arrow scoffed.

"I do." Oliver said. "But considering I found you lying in a bed of empty beer cans maybe I shouldn't."

Red Arrow bowed his head, feeling ridiculously like a little boy being caught misbehaving. Oliver turned and gestured for him to follow. Red hesitated, decided that it'd be wise not to push Oliver any farther that he already had, and followed Ollie out into the driveway where Ollie's limo was waiting. The driver smiled at him, expression sympathetic.

Red Arrow stiffened and Ollie chuckled bitterly.

"You can relax, Roy, I told him that we were just picking you up. I didn't say why."

"I'm not..." Red Arrow began, before being silenced by a death glare from Ollie.

The two archers slid into the limo, Dinah following closely behind. Red slumped in his seat, head resting on his chest and refusing to look at the others heroes sitting on either side of him. Oliver was still mad, but now it was tinged with something else. Regret? Sympathy? Dinah had slipped into the role of mommy bird, more afraid for Red Arrow's safety than angry at what he had done.

"Roy..." Ollie began.

"No, let me." He interrupted, sighing heavily.

"I'm sorry, I know messed up. That's no excuse, but..."

"Roy, if you're hurting, let us help. You don't need to drown your problems in alcohol..." Dinah rested her hand on his arm. He let her.

"Thanks, but...I think I have to work some of this out on my own." Red Arrow forced a smile.

"Just know we're here for you." Ollie smiled warmly.

"I thought you were mad?" Red Arrow blinked.

"Not mad, just...disappointed. I thought you knew that no matter what you're still my son. Doesn't matter if there's one of you, or a thousand, you're still Roy." Ollie put a hand on his son's shoulder, this time reassuring instead of rebuking.

Red Arrow's heart ached. He wanted to believe what Ollie said. He wanted to forget this whole clone business and go back to just being _him_. For the first time, he found himself missing that stupid yellow hat. The one that had never truly been his in the first place.

But part of him would always think of himself as a worthless puppet, a doll painted up to look like Roy Harper and placed in a world and a life he didn't belong in. All his friends were not his friends, his family was not really his family. And Ollie...Ollie wasn't his father. Ollie adopted Roy Harper, and Roy Harper was either hidden away in some secret lab or buried in an unmarked grave.

Red Arrow looked out the window, watching rain drops hurl themselves at the glass and trace patterns on the smooth surface. The question that had haunted him for so long once again echoed through his mind, torturing his hungover mind.

_Am I real?_

Red Arrow didn't know how to answer that question. He wasn't Roy Harper, he knew that. But he looked like Roy, he had all Roy's memories, he...he felt like Roy. The public still thought he was Roy Harper, adopted son of Oliver Queen. And if the real Roy was dead...

Red Arrow was wrong again. The real question wasn't _'Am I real? _

...It was '_Does it matter?'_

* * *

Roy Harper, clone or not, I will always love you. :D

Anyway, I referred to Clone!Roy as Red Arrow because that is the name he chose for himself, and he'll probably insist on being called that in future episodes. Also, I dont know why, but I always pictured Roy as a badass who, once encountered with drinking, is hesitant and unsure of himself. I mean, yes hes a rebel but I dont think he'd ever go so far as to break the law. So how was it? Good? Bad? Input is appreciated, but flames will be met with extreme sarcasm. :D


End file.
